Through SMS:
Michelle Tee (your SMS was really early , and in fact it was the first SMS I received),
Jennifer Ng (my ex-girlfriend’s elder sis but thanks ),
Feenie Lee (but too much Chinese words, I don’t really understand your SMS ),
Kah Hin (thanks for the card and photos ),
See Min (no need apologize when you did nothing wrong, hehe ),
Shirley Pang (yup, that was my number, I won’t change my number for no reason),
Dollyphia Lee (please inform after you had changed your phone number, haha),
Wui Kang (thank you for always being there when I needed help!)

Through phone:
Sou Peng (celebrated 21st birthday! And your sensei was kawaii )

Through MSN:
Carol Chung (Oh, Carol! We are lucky to have some conversation that day, because I’m not longer signing in to MSN daily).

Life is kinda hard for me, especially last year. Everything just went wrong and bad. Rumors by those low-life and uneducated person almost ruined my life. But you know, I am kinda strong and won’t be defeated easily. We should not give any reply nor do anything towards those rumors creator anyway since everything they said were bullshit.

Last but not least, I want to say “Thank you” to everyone who wished me happy birthday, even though birthday is not a big deal for me and I dislike being reminded of my own birthday since something happened a few years back. Especially to Tei Wen, Shu Ping, Kah Min and Kah Hin. Thank you so much for the cake.

A big kiss for you all.

*MUACKS!*

Surprisingly, that message was sent by my (ex)girlfriend. She apologized to me, and she said that she wanted to break up with me. I was really confused by that message, how come suddenly she said like that?

I felt terrible after reading the whole message, so I called her after finished reading the message. Yet, she rejected my call, and sent me a message saying that she is having an exam. I quickly went to bath and drive to her house, because I hope that she left her mobile phone at home, and it’s her elder sisters who sent out those messages to me, I hope they praying prank with me that time. But once I reached her home, I realized I was wrong, her mum told me that she did not left her mobile phone at home.

I was like a mad dog, could not accept the truth, driving using full speed to her college and waiting for her. After she came out from the college, I asked:
“The messages I received on morning, is it sent by you?”

She nodded and said yes. I was nearly collapsed, my tears almost falling down when she said so. Usually, I will just crying in front of her if I am really sad. But during that time, I could not show her my crying face anymore, I have to show her that I’m a guy.

I believe today is the day I drive with the slowest speed ever. 40 to 60km/h, all the way from the town to her home. For the first time ever, I hope the road will never end, the time would stop for me. But I still get “summons” from the police because the road tax of the car I was driving already expired for 2 weeks.

On the way back to home, that was our last conversation. We chatted, quietly, seems like stranger. I keep repeating my words, “I don’t want break up” for uncountable times, yet when I saw her determined face saying that she want to break up, I already knew that, it’s over for me, totally over without any chances will be given again.

She also said that “No point keeping me when my heart already left you”. Usually, I will quarrel with her and maintain that relationship. But I did not do so when she insisted want to leave me, I really felt she will be happier if she leave me, so I agreed to let her go.

Finally, I understand how it feels when you wish to cry, but you does not have the tears. I was too sad, until my feeling was numb. The tears just won’t come out, and I really, really felt empty in my heart. I understand that, she already occupied a place in my heart, no wonder I felt empty when she leave me.

At night, I went out with my friends, hopefully that they will made me forget all this. But soon when I got out with them, I realized that I felt more sad, wishing to be alone when I was out with them.

My friends comforted me, asked me not to be sad, thanks to their accompany. But I really don’t know what should I do next. I lost my direction, totally lost. I don’t know what to do, where to go. Even I am having my final examinations on Tuesday, I still does not have the mood to read the books. I could not sleep either, a lot of things was running in my mind.

My world seems like meaningless without her, but she would not know it either. I’m trying my best, to walk out from this sadness. I try to be sensible, keeping on trying. No one else will scold me, no one else will advice me, I lost all the motivation for doing my things. Why would she left me when success is one step closer to me? Now I don’t understand, for what I did all the things if nobody can share my happiness with me. How come I am not the one that accompany her until the ripe age? I really don’t understand.

Before going to bed yesterday, I still imagined how is it looks like when it is our first date and so on. I even dreamed of her, but seems like all that are the bad omens for me. This would be another changing point for my life, I would remain silent, because silent has the loudest scream. 2 years and 63 days of relationship ended just like this.

God, help me, please. Lonely. Emptiness inside heart. Sad. I really, really felt terrible…

Somehow, yesterday is the day I started to became the previous me. I will talk lesser, and lesser. I don’t really care what’s the others think about me anymore, I will be myself again. You might think that I am running away from the reality or the problems that I had to face it, whatever it is, I will remain silence again.

Days by days, I saw more and more peoples are lying, and they keeping on lying. So how do I believe the others? We all are living in a world that full of lies, and the awful truth are always hidden. I saw again, the ugly side of the human being. So being a human are sucks? Or the human being are sucks naturally?

I should keep my promise on my previous blog posting, I should spend less time on instant messenger, and I did that today. I am thinking of leaving this kind of “world” right now, and find another “world” that’s belong to me, or at least, accept what I am.

Now I am career minded person, since the god are slowly taking away my belongings, but I think the god did so because the god is hinting me that, I will have a better one very soon. The world is not going to end when I lost everything, in fact, something new is coming into my life. In life, we have to give and take, let it go away today and hoping for a better one tomorrow.

Sometimes I started to doubt, whether is my existance are still important in this world? I’ve been thinking of that, and what I found out is, actually even I am gone, nobody would realises it anyway.

16 July 2008 – Pendrive corrupted, all assignments redo
18 July 2008 – Daylight robbery, losing a few thousands and a mobile phone
22 July 2008 – Pendrive went missing in the college lab, someone stole it, all assignments redo again!

The same day I have to pass up my assignment, the same day my pendrive was stolen. I curse the person who take my pendrive, will fall down in front of me. The god is taking everything from me, step by step. Why don’t you just take away my life? It is easier, because right now, my life is suffering. My current situation is worst than the dead one. It’s not I don’t want to think positive, but how?

How I wish to capture it myself.

I am so tired of:
Wake up every morning at 6.30am and preparing for college.
Sitting inside bus for almost 2 hours and 30 minutes everyday.
Walking for almost 1 hour everyday.
Back from college almost everyday at 7pm.
Receiving notification emails everyday over server downtime or web system error.
Developing the websites project.
Vexed over the assignments.

My ASSignments are easy, but tomorrow need to submit, I still haven’t start doing it.

Tired of everything, stressed of everything… Why a person pursing for all this? Because he / she wasn’t born in a rich family and had to work double in order to became rich in the society.

Student go for studying because of a piece of paper, that’s certificate.
Worker go for working because of a few pieces of paper, that’s money / cheque.

But without the certificate, the money of a worker will earn is lesser. That’s what the society is all about today. You don’t have a certificate? Then shut up and listen to what others said.

Enough… Hope for a better tomorrow will do…

I am too tired for everything happened in my life. And most of the times, I lost my life’s target. I am still wondering around in my life. What am I? Am I a driver without destination?

I saw a lot of peoples are struggling everyday for their daily meals and heavy bills. The funniest thing is, nowadays people are the “worker” of money, including me.

And by the way, I have something to say to those proud persons with cocky face. That is:
“What are you if your family aren’t that rich?”
Oh well, stop showing me how rich is your family. Remember this, you are nothing after all if you doesn’t have them.

Not everyone was born with silver spoon. What if one day you lost everything? Are you able to stand up at your own? However, thanks god for giving me a healthy body so that I could make my own miracles happen.

I guessed the damn life I had, nobody would ever had it?