6 o’clock in the morning, my phone ringed and one message was received. I ignored it and continue my sleeping until 9 o’clock, because I thought that was a promotional message sent by Maxis or Hotlink.

Surprisingly, that message was sent by my (ex)girlfriend. She apologized to me, and she said that she wanted to break up with me. I was really confused by that message, how come suddenly she said like that?

I felt terrible after reading the whole message, so I called her after finished reading the message. Yet, she rejected my call, and sent me a message saying that she is having an exam. I quickly went to bath and drive to her house, because I hope that she left her mobile phone at home, and it’s her elder sisters who sent out those messages to me, I hope they praying prank with me that time. But once I reached her home, I realized I was wrong, her mum told me that she did not left her mobile phone at home.

I was like a mad dog, could not accept the truth, driving using full speed to her college and waiting for her. After she came out from the college, I asked:
“The messages I received on morning, is it sent by you?”

She nodded and said yes. I was nearly collapsed, my tears almost falling down when she said so. Usually, I will just crying in front of her if I am really sad. But during that time, I could not show her my crying face anymore, I have to show her that I’m a guy.

I believe today is the day I drive with the slowest speed ever. 40 to 60km/h, all the way from the town to her home. For the first time ever, I hope the road will never end, the time would stop for me. But I still get “summons” from the police because the road tax of the car I was driving already expired for 2 weeks.

On the way back to home, that was our last conversation. We chatted, quietly, seems like stranger. I keep repeating my words, “I don’t want break up” for uncountable times, yet when I saw her determined face saying that she want to break up, I already knew that, it’s over for me, totally over without any chances will be given again.

She also said that “No point keeping me when my heart already left you”. Usually, I will quarrel with her and maintain that relationship. But I did not do so when she insisted want to leave me, I really felt she will be happier if she leave me, so I agreed to let her go.

Finally, I understand how it feels when you wish to cry, but you does not have the tears. I was too sad, until my feeling was numb. The tears just won’t come out, and I really, really felt empty in my heart. I understand that, she already occupied a place in my heart, no wonder I felt empty when she leave me.

At night, I went out with my friends, hopefully that they will made me forget all this. But soon when I got out with them, I realized that I felt more sad, wishing to be alone when I was out with them.

My friends comforted me, asked me not to be sad, thanks to their accompany. But I really don’t know what should I do next. I lost my direction, totally lost. I don’t know what to do, where to go. Even I am having my final examinations on Tuesday, I still does not have the mood to read the books. I could not sleep either, a lot of things was running in my mind.

My world seems like meaningless without her, but she would not know it either. I’m trying my best, to walk out from this sadness. I try to be sensible, keeping on trying. No one else will scold me, no one else will advice me, I lost all the motivation for doing my things. Why would she left me when success is one step closer to me? Now I don’t understand, for what I did all the things if nobody can share my happiness with me. How come I am not the one that accompany her until the ripe age? I really don’t understand.

Before going to bed yesterday, I still imagined how is it looks like when it is our first date and so on. I even dreamed of her, but seems like all that are the bad omens for me. This would be another changing point for my life, I would remain silent, because silent has the loudest scream. 2 years and 63 days of relationship ended just like this.

God, help me, please. Lonely. Emptiness inside heart. Sad. I really, really felt terrible…

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